Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize