Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
