Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
