His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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