how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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