I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I smell stomach acid.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
