Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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