using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
