my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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