dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
