I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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