This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
