I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
