Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
