Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
