How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
