if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
