I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You did what with his pubic hair?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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