2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
