i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
