Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
