4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
