Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize