You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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