well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
