If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
