this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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