My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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