I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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