Im at strip club and am horny
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
