So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
BRING THE BAGELS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
