I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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