U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
