Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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