We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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