I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize