i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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