so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
