I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
