i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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