He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
