Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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