I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
