I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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