shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it glows. i had to have it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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