I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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