so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
