I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish i was in the wii world.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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