I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
