I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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