i just had sex bonerless
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize