My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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