Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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