okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
