he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize