I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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