Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
