i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
smell my finger.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
