There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
vagina is talking i cant
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
