I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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