I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That's intense
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize