My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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