So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this just has baby written all over it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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