That's intense
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
