Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
