i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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