I'm drive I can fine osifer
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
