Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
