He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
