margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
