and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
