About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
