Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
