Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
