Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
