i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
