I'm going to rape someone's good day.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's shark week go big or go home
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
