can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
