After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
