Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
