is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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