I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize