Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
