I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
