He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
