Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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