the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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