Umm I'm too high to move.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
