K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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