I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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