If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
