I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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